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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 30, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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that's our report. i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. thank you for joining us. ted cruz is on "jimmy kimmel and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live"! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- senator ted cruz -- from "meet the blacks," mike epps -- and music from st. lucia. with cleto and the cletones. and now, hold on fast -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. we have a very interesting show tonight. headlined by texas senator and republican candidate for president ted cruz. and let me just say if ted cruz is even half as attractive in person as his sister penelope, we are in for a real treat. ted cruz went, in case you don't know much about him, went to college at princeton and harvard law. he didn't have the trades to get into trump university and it caused a rift between them that continues to this day. every time we have a politician on the show i get so much angry feedback on social media. this is just -- let me give you a fraction of what i got last week when hillary clinton was here. boo to the person who made the decision to have her on your
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show. won't be watching you tonight, jimmy kimmel, i can't stand hilly, i can't wait till she goes to jail. no more kimmel in our home after that. so that's what i got from conservatives when hillary was here. this is what i got from liberals when donald trump stopped by. tu turned on kimble tonight, saw trump was on, will be my last time watching jimmy kimmel, how could you sink so low, how could you give him more air time, how could you disrespect guillermo in such a terrible way? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, i don't believe you had doughnut tramp on your show, i can no longer watch your show, i'll find something else to watch, bye forever jimmy. this is what i got from the right wing when bernie sanders on the show. kimmel, you communist suck up. "jimmy kimmel live," you are letting fans down. the finance system is corrupt but not as corrupt as kimmie kimm kimmel's turd show. could be my next endeavor by the
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way. tonight i'm sure we'll get another furious reaction to ted cruz being here. if half of everyone hates me when a republican is on and half of everyone hates me when i have a democrat on it adds up to everyone hates me, right? anyway. to me, in order to decide who we should vote for, it's a good idea to listen to what all the main people running have to say. everyone is so angry. my uncle, my godfather even, cast gated me on facebook for having hillary clinton on. he said i embarrassed the family. as if i haven't embarrassed the family a million times before. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's the foundation of my career. ted cruz is on tonight. get your thumbs ready to hate tweet. twoous was part of a cnn town hall event last night in milwaukee as was his arch nemesis donald trump. during the event anderson cooper, the moderator, asked trump about the threat he made where he said he would spill the beans on ted ace wife heidi and whether it was appropriate.
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>> after saying that you were going to spill the beans about heidi cruz you retweeted an up flattering picture of her next to your wife. >> i thought it was a nice picture of her. >> come on. >> it was fine -- excuse me, i didn't start it. >> with all due respect that's the argument of a 5-year-old. >> i didn't start it. >> the argument of a 5-year-old is, he started it. >> you would say that. that's the problem with our country. >> every parent knows a 5-year-old -- >> that's the problem. exactly that thinking is the problem this country has. i did not start this. >> jimmy: then he gave anderson a wedgie and moved on. mr. trump showed very good manners during the interview by excusing himself many multiple times. >> you're running for president of the united states -- >> excuse me, excuse me. i didn't start it. excuse me, excuse me, i didn't suggest. excuse me, excuse me. you're supporting -- excuse me, excuse me. excuse me, excuse me. excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
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we won't utah. excuse me. >> see, he can be nice. it's all all tough guy. one of the takeaways was that all the candidates who promised to support the republican nominee no matter who it was now say they might not will be back in september they all signed a pledge to support the eventual republican nominee but that was back when no one thought the nominee would be donald trump. and so now -- and trump only signed the pledge because he assumed they were asking for his autogra autograph. last night ted cruz would not commit to supporting trump if he's the nominee, trump said he would not support ted cruz if he's -- the one thing these candidates can finally agree on is to not support each other. even john kasich says he might not support the nominee and he's the friendly -- kasich is still running even though he's very unlikely to be the nominee. he's way behind in the delegate count and many republicans are upset he's staying in the race because they believe his candidacy is making it harder for cruz to beat trump. you can tell how the gop in
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general is feeling about things by the expression on senate majority leader mitch mcconnell's face. let's check the mitch mcconnell emotion start to find out where he stands on john kasich. is he sad? is he happy? is he surprised? is he excited? or is he angry? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: everyone's angry. in nonpolitical news, here's something of note for "star wars" fans who are also expecting a child. baby names based on the characters from "star wars: the force awakens" are very popular. people are giving kids names like rae and kylo. which would be a good name for a new kardashian. but for anyone else. i have to say i feel like if you're naming your baby after a movie character, maybe you're not ready to have baby. i the good news is "star wars"
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fans are finally having sex so that's good. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: meanwhile, in marijuana news, as you may know the legalize pot industry is lucrative. they estimate by 2020 marijuana by bill in $44 billion a year. even though it's legal they've had trouble integrating with mainstream advertising. people don't want to run ads and ad companies don't -- the marijuana industry is looking to rebrand itself. they want to change the image of marijuana users to show pot smokers aren't just skaters and rappers and gamers. they're your neighbors and teachers and maybe even your mom. >> when you're a busy mom like me, your job is never done. that's why i've got a special something to get me through the day. mom weed. for moms who toke up on the go. because let's face it, taking a fat rip off some dank-ass gange
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makes laundry, changing diapers, cooking, more laundry, changing more diapers, cooking again, almost bearable. i mean, i probably would have left aaron and the kids ages ago if i wasn't in here getting high as a kite all the time. why do they think i go to the lawndry room so much? do they think i do that much [ bleep ] laundry? they don't know me at all. i got married so young. and i'm stuck. >> no one loves you. >> he's right! >> ha ha ha! >> leave me alone! >> mom? >> come on in, honey. >> what are you doing? >> mama's blazing, honey. >> mama's blazing. ♪ mom weed >> available at walgreens.
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>> jimmy: must be why the wall is green. birthday wishes are in order for mc hammer who turned 54 today. mc hammer's birthday is celebrated all around the world from london to the bay and to honor his special day tonight we have a special presentation from a local second grader named bless and blessen asked if he could present this on the show. please welcome blessen, everybody. blessen? >> hi, everybody. my name is mc hammer. and today is my 54th birthday. i can rap. i can dance. and i can fit 50 pounds of lunch meat in my pants. in my career i made over $33 million. but then i spent over $46 million. well, i got to go.
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because stop, it's my bedtime, they can't touch this. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, blessen. blessen, everybody. ♪ >> jimmy: bed rhyme is the new hammer time. we have to take a break. when we come back we're going to give you some great, easy, and totally original prank ideas -- guillermo, will you help him? we'll be right back for april fools' day, stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ people love me for saving them over half a grand when they switch to progressive. so i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was board-game night with the dalai lama.
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great guy. terrible player. ♪ go paperless ♪ don't stress, girl ♪ i got the discounts that you need ♪ it's a balancing act, bui got to give the people what they want -- more box. any words for the critics? what can i say? critties gonna neg. [ applause ] the what?! [ laughs ] can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry. only at t-mobile. ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. and your ford dealer is the place, is the time. to get 0% financing for 60 months on a ford suv. that's right. just announced.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (whispers rocket)
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. ted cruz, music from st. lucia is on the way. april fools on the the way. you have time to figure out what to do to your friends, coworkers and loved ones. to successfully pull off a prank on april fools' day is the best because people are expecting it and their guard is up, it's an accomplishment. tonight i'vive vited a crafty individual, mark rober, used to work for nasa, now has his own youtube channel. i know, things are not headed in the right direction for mark. his youtube channel is popular and it's where i saw this video of a watermelon trick he pulled on a bunch of kids. he pulls the watermelon out. and it's perfectly shaped. it's very clever, right?
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so i asked mark if he could use his considerable brain power to come up with some simple april fools prank ideas. he said yes he would. place welcome mark rober! [ cheers and applause ] we're literally hours away from april fools and everybody forgets to plan something, you planned some things for us. >> exactly. the concept here, it's kind of like last-minute april fools' day prank ideas you can make with junk you have lying around your house. i've organized them too. we have beginner, intermediate, and expert level. >> jimmy: if you are a beginner you should never go right to the expert. >> don't even think about starting here, yeah. >> jimmy: let's start with the beginner level stuff. >> okay, what you're going to do here is you google just like bug silhouettes. >> jimmy: bug silhouettes. >> you'll get something like this. then you'll trace that and put it on sort of like construction paper so you have this. >> jimmy: this is not construction paper. this is just regular old printer
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paper. >> that's right. trace it onto something thicker. >> jimmy: if only we had a tv show. all right. so trace that. cut it out. >> and then put it on the inside of a lamp. then what's cool about this is you can't see anything. >> jimmy: turn out the lights so this is more spectacular. >> the big reveal. you can't see anything until you actually turn the lights on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: like summoning a superhero. yeah, this could potentially end a relationship, a prank like this. all right, very good. that's pretty good. that's a good one. not crazy but pretty good. >> so this next one is really simple. you get some glue. >> jimmy: elmer's glue. >> you get elmer's glue and empty it and wash it out and then fill it with milk. then you put this in your kid's lunch. then send them to school. >> feel like kids aren't eating glue anymore. this is a good thing.
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>> it's a tragedy? this is a good one for your kids? >> super simple. you freak the teachers out. it's really alarm building you see a kid sucking on glue. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> wouldn't it be better -- that's my son. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- see? it would be better if you just told your son that. [ cheers and applause ] how much did he have to wash the thing? you can eat glue, right? >> yeah it's not toxic, right? >> jimmy: yeah, it's not toxic. organic, so eat. >> stepping up our game, intermediate pranks. take an empty cup, a magnet, put it inside, put it on the roof of your car so it looks like you forgot your morning coffee. so we actually tried this out the other day. pretty much everybody does hk and frantically point to the roof of your car. but the thing is, you pretend like you have no idea why they're doing it.
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wave back enthusiastically. this guy was upset with my ignorance. >> jimmy: he actually got out of the car. >> yeah. then he's super confused. and i don't know what to say. i wasn't expecting that. i'm like, watch jimmy kimmel on wednesday. so if you're watching, thank you. that was really cool. >> jimmy: that would work with a baby also. >> yeah. legal though. yeah. >> jimmy: what do we have here? >> our next one, next intermediate prank, you get some duct tape and poster board. then you locate the sign of your local neighborhood black angus. then you cover up the "g." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's ridiculous. that would work with fuddrucker's also. you'd need more white stuff. okay. that's not too disruptive, that's not bad. what are these things? >> we're upping our game, these are the expert ones. you're going to get action
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figures. preferably something scary, freddie or jason. you're going to take it and like duct tape it to the back of your buddy's car right in front of the backup camera. like this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: when they're in reverse, this is what they see. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> what's awesome about this, because it's so close, you don't know it's miniature. she goes out to look, nothing's there. back into the car, it's there again. >> jimmy: that's best case scenario. you realize you should wipe your fingerprints off the doll in case he goes into the lake and you wind up killing your friend. yeah, that's scary. that's a really good one. >> so if you don't happen to have these lying around your house, print out a scary picture and it works just as well. >> jimmy: would it really? >> i think we have one here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: is this the -- as far as expert level, this is the top of the heap? >> this is it. this is the top of the pyramid. >> jimmy: this seems pretty simple. >> yeah, just wait. all right, so for this one you're going to have -- all you seed is a sewing kit, pimentos and diet coke. >> jimmy: i have all that. >> take and thread through this mentos with the needle, put it on the top, and close it. then you cut off the strings here that are on the side. what's great is you can't tell anything is wrong with this. the mentos is tucked under the cap. give to it your buddy. and then, yeah. youtube has taught us what happens next. >> jimmy: what happens is they open and it the thing followed in and automatically -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, look at that. mark rober, everybody! thanks, mark. by the way, check out mark's science and creativity channel
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on youtube. mark rober. we'll be right back. mike epps is here, ted cruz when we come back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by nest. learn how to see your home away from home with nest cam at nest.com. ♪ ♪ lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for $399 a month only at your lincoln dealer.
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>> jimmy: hi, there. tonight from the new movie "meet the blacks," mike epps is here. the album is called "matter." st. lucia from the samsung stage. tomorrow night, from "jungle book", the great bill murray will be here, with a cute kid named neel sethi. and we will have music from "twenty 88," which consists of big sean and jhené aiko. so please join us then. as far as i know, our first guest tonight is the only person running for president to publicly admit to having been bitten by an octopus. he is a senator from the lone star state who hopes to stop the runaway train known as donald trump, please welcome senator ted cruz! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome to hollywood. have you been tempted by our decadent liberal ways here? you know, we pretty much consider hollywood our base. >> jimmy: yeah. you're here doing a fund-raiser here? >> we are. hopefully coming back with lots of cash to put ads on tv and then hopefully win some votes. >> i gotcha, all right. it surprises me because you see like clinton coming here, obama coming here. >> different donors. >> jimmy: i didn't know -- hey, you're getting it. >> do you know what state has the most republicans? >> jimmy: what state? >> california. >> jimmy: we have a lot of people. >> you have a ton of people. there are actually more republicans in california than there are in texas. it's just there are even more democrats and they're really outnumbered. >> have you ever lived in california? >> i lived one summer in california? what are you doing? >> i was in law school at the time. i was working at a law firm in downtown l.a. and had a terrific time. >> jimmy: at one time you wanted to be an actor? >> i did. >> jimmy: which is -- that
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surprises me. you don't seem like an actor. you seem like -- well, the opposite of an actor. >> a lawyer politician? >> jimmy: yeah, you do. >> i just play one on tv. >> jimmy: i see. this is all an act. >> so when i was in high school i did a lot of shows. and actually thought about dropping out of school. and heading to california and trying to be an actor. >> jimmy: what did your dad who you speak about, cuban immigrant, think about that? >> they were horrified. >> jimmy: right. >> they thought it was a dissass truss plan. and i think everything was great. except that i didn't have good looks and i didn't have talent. other than that, i was completely set to do well. >> jimmy: something we hear about all the time, and i don't know what goes on behind the scenes at congress. we hear that your colleagues, you're not popular with your colleagues. in fact, lindsey graham, who by the way endorsed you. >> he did. >> jimmy: said if you kill ted cruz on the floor of the senate and the trial was in the senate no one would convict you. the other day john boehner -- >> was that a mean tweet?
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>> jimmy: i don't know. john boehner called you lucifer. what are you doing? >> you know, it -- when you stand up to washington, they don't like it. but i will say, as you noted, donald trump has an amazing ability to clarify everything. and we're seeing now, republicans coming together, unifying behind our campaign. a week ago lindsey graham hosted an event for me. i joked at the beginning, listen, this is a first, this is the first event i've ever had hosted by someone who three weeks earlier publicly called for my murder. >> jimmy: that is interesting. hey, you did, you held out until they found someone they liked less than you. >> there you go. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it is a powerful strategy. compared to donald, i am the quiet, shy, soft-spoken one. >> jimmy: have you thought about bringing cookies to work one day? doing something? because as president, you would have to get along with these
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people, wouldn't you? >> well, listen, it's not a question of getting along. what washington doesn't like -- people across this country are ticked off at washington. >> jimmy: yes. >> and there's a reason. there's a reason. you've got politicians in both parties that they make promises, they sound great when they're campaigning. they go to washington and they do the exact opposite of what they said they would do. people are frustrated with that. and in my time in the senate what i've tried to do is actually do what i said i would do. i promised the people of texas, if you elect me, i'll fight with every breath in my body to stop the disaster that is obamacare, that's killing jobs all across this country -- >> jimmy: is that really a disaster? it doesn't feel like it is. [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean, i'm not -- >> jimmy: i've not heard one story from a person i know that indicates that -- the word disaster is a strong word to use. >> it is. and i agree, it is probably not a disaster with millionaire
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hollywood movie stars and rock stars. so in the circles that are coming here, it hasn't been a disaster. i'll tell you, i've spent the last days -- >> jimmy: you think these are the only people i hang around with? [ laughter ] >> it's hollywood. >> jimmy: that's not -- i'll explain it to you at some point, ted. it's all pretend. this is not a real city behind us. [ laughter ] >> i don't follow. i'm still not following. >> you need more than three months over that summer. maybe you'll spend the next three months here, we'll see. >> taking obamacare, i spent the last several days campaigning in wisconsin. over and over again i had people come up to me and say, my health insurance premiums went up, they doubled, they tripled, i've had to cancel my health insurance because i can't afford it. if you talk to small business owners, i do roundtables of small business owners over and over again, just listen to them. it's one of the things not a lot of people in politics do, bring people in and ask, what are the challenges you're facing? i have never done one of those
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roundtables where at least half of the small business owners didn't list obamacare as the single biggest challenge they're facing. >> maybe it's the shape of the table. maybe next time, square. >> square might make a difference. you know, they do sometimes come in like king arthur's knights and set their swords down. but it works. >> this thing you said about having the police patrol muslim neighborhoods. i know you're a guy you love the constitution. you're a very strict constitutionalist. isn't this in direct competition with the bill of rights? >> not remotely. listen, we face a real threat. and that is radical islamic terrorism. and we're seeing it growing and rising across the globe. we're seeing terror attacks whether paris, whether san bernardino, whether brussels just a week ago. and this threat is growing and growing and growing. i'll tell you, people are really frustrated. they're frustrated with the president, they're frustrated with hillary clinton, that they will not acknowledge what it is we're facing. and they're not supporting doing
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anything effective to fight it. if you're going to fight it, you've got to call it by its name. and use the tools we have to defeat radical islamic terrorism to keep america fe. i think that's the most important job of the commander in chief, to keep this country safe. if i'm president, that will be my most important job. >> jimmy: don't you feel, though -- i don't disagree with you on any of that stuff. but don't you feel that human nature is such that if people were americans in a muslim community who you might make an argument are more upset about what their brothers in religion are doing, if they feel like they're being singled out and they feel like the police are keeping a special eye on them, that that is going to make them anti-american, and then we'll have an even bigger problem because we won't have to import terrorists -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be creating them here? >> what we need to do is use law enforcement and national security tools to keep america safe. if you look at what's happened in europe, many of these attacks you can trace their roots to
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failed immigration policies in europe, that they have let vast numbers of islamic terrorists into europe. and sadly many of them are living in communities that are isolated, they're called no-go communities where law enforcement doesn't even go there. one of those in brussels is a community called molenbeek that has been traced over and over again to many of the terror attacks that we've seen. and what happens when you don't gain is you get radicalization. now islamism is different from islam. there are millions upon millions of peaceful muslims. but islamism is something different. islamism is a theocratic, political philosophy that commands its adherents to wage violent jihad, to murder or forcibly convert the infidels, by which they mean everybody else. if we're going to keep america safe we can't engage in this politically correct game that obama and hillary clinton gain in where they won't say the words radical islamic terrorism, they won't engage in it.
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instead we need law enforcement to work cooperatively with the community, to prevent radicalization, and to stop terror attacks before they occur. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know. i'm not with you on that one. but -- well, you know what, we will agree to disagree on that. and when we come back -- >> i'll cross you off the list for homeland security. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: also when we come back, i feel like we don't know that much about you personally so i want to ask you some somewhat random questions. ted cruz is here with us. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ wait, did you just have that on your phone? it's time to mix it up. do it, dad! yeah, do it! there are thousands of ways into the complex health care system. it was frozen. daddy's hand looks funny. and choosing unitedhealthcare can help make it simpler by letting you know when your claim has been processed. yo, adrian.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with ted cruz. it occurred to me today, thinking about you, i'm older than you are. >> you are? >> jimmy: it's crazy to me that there are people running for president than i'm older than. >> i will say the salt and pepper in the beard gives you a distinguished look. >> jimmy: thank you very much. you're not going to put me on the muslim watch list? >> it's already done, actually. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i feel like even though you're the first candidate to throw your hat in the ring we don't know you -- we know donald trump for many, many years. we know -- >> who's that fellow? >> jimmy: for many years, yeah. donald trump, is he the perpendicular you dislike most of anyone in america?
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>> oh, no. look -- >> jimmy: who do you like better, obama or trump? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i dislike obama's policies more. >> jimmy: i see. >> but donald -- donald is a unique individual. [ laughter ] >> i will say i was watching the early part of the show and if i were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw donald in the backup camera? i'm not confident which pedal i'd push. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, a few random questions for you. how many of the seven "star wars" movies have you seen? >> all of them. >> jimmy: favorite cereal? >> cereal killer or cereal? actually muselix. that surprised you? >> jimmy: i was expecting muselix. it surprised me because it didn't surprise me.
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on your website you sell ted cruz yoga mats. have you ever done yoga? >> i have not. my wife loves yoga. she just did hot yoga the other day. which sounds thoroughly unpleasant. >> jimmy: terrible. >> to get really hot and then stretch into impossible positions. she loves it. >> jimmy: last movie that made you cry? >> i would almost say the last "star wars" movie. >> jimmy: really? >> listen, i will say as someone who grew up -- i stood in line for two hours to watch "the empire strikes back." han solo was my hero. i'm not going to spoil it. i'm just say there is an image in that movie that was traumatic at a level i never wanted to see. >> jimmy: i'm with you, i was almost embarrassed when the tears started to well in my eyes. first concert you ever went to? >> first concert was men at work. >> jimmy: really? >> it really was. i was in junior high. my mother insisted on going. it was the tamest concert on earth. i mean, it really was. it was a perfect concert to
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bring your mom to. and we were up high. the only thing i remember interesting is she looked -- she was looking down and said something about, oh, she looks attractive. this person with long hair. she turned around, had a big moustache, my mother was astonished. i'll tell you a concert you will be amused i went to. >> jimmy: which? >> pink floyd. i saw senior year in the astrodome. and there was an image that -- >> jimmy: david gilmour was here last night. >> that's what i understand. two or three seats from me was a police officer smoking a joint. ho holding a roach clip, smoking a joint. i have to admit -- i was 17. and he was in uniform. i mean, this was an officer in uniform. i shook my head and said, well, it's floyd. >> jimmy: if it's floyd, it's floyd. speaking of concerts and hair and bands, i have to ask, this is an internet rumor going around, that you were the lead singer from the band stryker, true or false?
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>> time will tell. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. i appreciate you coming out to talk to us. senator ted cruz,er. we'll be right back with mike epps! ♪ how can this have been washed 1like springtime...in paris. unstopables in-wash scent boosters. the more you pour the more scent you'll savor. toss into your wash before your clothes for luxurious scent for up to 12 weeks. and introducing unstopables fabric conditioner by downy
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giving your laundry a bold, captivating scent with luxury you can feel. for long-lasting scent, just pair with your in-wash scent booster. unstopables by downy. the ultimate in long lasting scent. i think the first step in being able to create a helpful solution is just to be able to recognize problems in the world around you. don't you dare change the rules. don't you dare play with your food. don't you dare get any big ideas. ignore what people say you can't do. don't you dare take that apart. don't you dare stay up all night on the computer. don't you dare raise your voice. ♪ ♪
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twell what if i told you that peanuts can work for you? that's right. i'm talking full time delivery of 7 grams of protein and 6 essential nutrients. ever see a peanut take a day off? i don't think so. harness the hardworking power of the peanut. [ male announcer ] cats will do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? oh, here, check this out. ♪ [ meows ] temptations. cats can't resist. and we are theic plays) hbug chicks.ie and i'm jess. [ meows ] we are a nano-business. windows 10 really helps us get the word out about how awesome bugs are. kids learn to be brave and curious and all kids speak the language of bug. "hey cortana, find my katydid video" oh! this is so good. (laughs) if you're trying to teach a kid about a proboscis just sketch it on the screen. i don't have a touch screen on my mac, i'm jealous of that. (laughs) you put a big bug in a kids hands and change their world view. (laughs)
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>> jimmy: hi, there, we're back. with two pairs of "friday" and "hangover" movies under his belt, it's a good thing the secret service wasn't here tonight for our next guest. he's a very funny man with a new movie called "meet the blacks." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to mike epps. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> what's up? >> jimmy: how's life? have you side hot you're voting for for president? are you ready to make the endorsement america has been waiting for? >> it's an endorsement, yeah, yeah. yeah, ted -- cruz is here. ted always looks happy and sad. he looks like grandpa muenster a little bit. is he gone? did he leave yet? >> jimmy: he's gone but the snipers are still here. >> oh.
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no, i like hillary. >> jimmy: you like hillary. >> yeah, i like hillary clinton. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: have you ever met president obama? >> i did. i met president obama. >> jimmy: i'm only asking you because you're black. [ laughter ] >> you know i met him. i met obama. and by went to the white house they had two separate lines to meet him and i was in the government cheese line. >> jimmy: oh, really. why? what's the difference between the lines? >> my line was the line that's kind of suspect. the secret agents, secret government, kept asking me for my i.d. i showed it like five times. and just before i went to shake obama's hand he said, let me see that i.d. one more time. that obama, man. he was cool to meet, man. >> jimmy: did he know you? >> yeah, he knew me from a show called "survivors" i did on starz. he looked like a lollipop, lost so much weight. >> jimmy: very thin.
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>> he aged from the time he got in till now, wow, man. he needs a little walt frazier just for men. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to ask you, you're doing a show on abc, "uncle buck," playing the role john candy played in the movie which is crazy. >> yeah, it is crazy. >> jimmy: do you feel comfortable within the constraints of network television? >> you know what, jimmy, i've been doing rated r movies my whole career. my grandmother and mother never get a chance to watch me on television. because they're church people. so now they get a chance to watch me say, you know -- do jokes that are clean. so i'm happy about that. >> jimmy: that is nice. >> yeah my grandmother -- you know, they get a chance to watch me. >> jimmy: do they like your work in general? >> my grandmother, she don't think i'm that funny and she says it to me, he ain't that funny. i said, your potato salad ain't that good either. [ laughter ]
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she makes the best potato salad, i love you, grandma. >> jimmy: do your relatives examine your career choices and then ask you for things? >> they do, yeah. my mother, she's one of the slickest ones in the family. she asked me for money. she said, i bet you won't give me $2,000. i said, how could i win that bet? >> jimmy: yeah, how much is the bet? >> yeah. >> jimmy: tell me about "meet the blacks." this movie you're in. >> "meet the blacks" is a movie about meeting the blacks. no, it's a movie where we're spoofing the "purge" movies. >> jimmy: i know about them, i haven't seen those movies. >> we've got mike tyson, charlie murphy, george lopez. we've got -- it's a gumbo of comedian. >> mike was in the "hangover" movie, you're doing a lot of
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work with mike tyson. >> it's fun. mike is happy and sad. know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's a great dude, i love mike. >> jimmy: do people make a lot of comparisons between the two. what do you do with mike, scenes with mike? >> i've got a couple of scenes with mike. he was standing this close to me and i can feel his power. >> jimmy: yeah. it's like standing next to a leopard or something. >> yeah. more like a rhinoceros. sorry about that mike, i hope you didn't hear that. >> jimmy: i think he'll be okay. we're at a safe distance. iowa wait for the show and the movie is called "meet the blacks jacksonville it opens in theaters on friday.ma epps will to see it it. mike epps, everybody. be right back with srt lucia! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank senator ted cruz, mike epps, mark rober and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first their album is called, "matter." here with the song, "help me run
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away," st. lucia! ♪ ♪ it's an affliction maybe a lie like science fiction or a third eye ♪ ♪ you've got me covered i need some gas ♪ ♪ when we go driving i'll be driving you fast now ♪ ♪ thought i was living living undercover now i'm a child child without a mother ♪ ♪ who was a stranger to the american way ♪ ♪ but now i'm fully acquainted so you gotta help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away from these voices in my head ♪ ♪ i said help me run away
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help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away from these voices in my head ♪ ♪ america ♪ pulled me out of the shadow pushed me up against tomorrow ♪ ♪ dressed me up in your sorrow ♪ ♪ and i don't want to ruin your paradise screaming through your tunnels ♪ ♪ in the dead of night driving around and around and around you gotta help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away from these voices in my head ♪ ♪ i said ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away
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help me run away from these voices in my head ♪ ♪ i'm running i'm running to the light of day ahh ♪ ♪ i'm running i'm running to the light of day ahh ♪ ♪ i'm running i'm running to the light of day ahh ♪ ♪ i'm running i'm running to the light of day ahh ♪ ♪ i said help me run away i said help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away i said help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away
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help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ i said help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ whoa ♪ ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away from these voices in my head ♪ ♪ i said ♪ help me run away help me run away help me run away ♪ ♪ help me run away from these voices in my head ♪
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, the jihadi mindset. what turns an altar boy into an isis supporter? our reporter coming face-to-face with a young radicalized recruit. >> do you think you'll be going back to isis? >> peeling back the layers of the lure of isis. and the woman who tried to raise the alarm a decade ago. plus what the twitterverse giveth instagram can snapchat away. the 21st century nightmare for 20-somethings learning the perils of social media in the most dramatic ways imaginable. when saying i do means a whole lot of cash. is this really a billion-dollar

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